Escape to Paradise: Your Dream Rural Tenerife Retreat Awaits!
Escape to Paradise: Tenerife's Rural Gem – Is It REALLY Paradise? (Spoiler Alert: Mostly Yes!)
Okay, folks, buckle up. I just wrestled with the internet, a suitcase the size of a small car, and my expectations, all to get to "Escape to Paradise" in Tenerife. The promise? Your dream rural retreat. The reality? Well, let's dive in. This review isn't your textbook five-star snoozefest. This is raw, unfiltered, and hopefully, helpful.
First Impressions & Accessibility – Stumbling Into Bliss (Literally, Maybe?)
Getting there… was an adventure. Thankfully, they offer airport transfer (thank GOD), because navigating Tenerife's windy roads with a rental car after a transatlantic flight? No thanks. Now, about accessibility: they say they have facilities for disabled guests, which is a good thing. I’m giving this a closer look, as my "access" is more limited than some. More on this later, okay?
Rooms: Fortress of Solitude (With a Few Quirks)
Alright, the non-smoking rooms were a win. The air conditioning worked, hallelujah. The blackout curtains? Absolutely essential because I'm a light sleeper. And the extra-long bed? Perfect for someone who tends to starfish across the entire surface. Now, here’s where it gets real:
- The Bathroom: Okay, so a separate shower/bathtub is supposed to be luxury, right? But the slippers? Totally changed the game. That's a win for the tired traveler. And the complimentary toiletries? Standard, but appreciated. But… the mirror only illuminated the top half of my face. Made shaving with pinpoint accuracy a little tricky (and I'm not even going to talk about the extra, ahem additional toilet).
- Amenities Galore! They have in-room safe box, coffee/tea maker, mini bar (with prices that made me gulp, though I couldn't fault them for it), and even free bottled water. I’m not sure if the alarm clock would work.
Staying Safe & Sound:
- Cleanliness and Safety: BIG thumbs up here. They're taking Covid seriously. Anti-viral cleaning products, daily disinfection in common areas, and rooms sanitized between stays. You could eat off the floor (maybe don't though). Hand sanitizer everywhere. They’ve got a doctor/nurse on call, and a first aid kit, just in case.
- CCTV: CCTV in common areas and CCTV outside property gave me peace of mind.
Internet – The Lifeline (Mostly Reliable)
Listen, in the 21st century, good Wi-Fi is non-negotiable. Thankfully, free Wi-Fi in all rooms! I could post my envy-inducing holiday snaps, and stream cat videos with the best of them. The internet access – wireless was pretty solid, even in my room. The internet access – LAN was available for anyone who wanted it.
Food, Glorious Food (and Liquid Gold, AKA Coffee)
This is where "Escape to Paradise" really shines. The breakfast [buffet] was EPIC. Seriously. I'm talking every kind of cheese imaginable, fresh fruit, pastries that defied gravity, and, the holy grail of all mornings: Asian breakfast. I stuffed myself silly. Coffee/tea in the restaurant was constantly available, and bottle of water was always provided.
- Restaurants, Restaurants Everywhere: The A la carte in restaurant, buffet in restaurant and Vegetarian restaurant was available.
- Happy hour: Poolside bar? Yes, please! And they even had a happy hour. This is where things get messy-delicious.
Things to Do & Ways to Relax – More Than Just Lounging
Okay, I'll be honest, I spent a lot of time swimming pool [outdoor]. It has a pool with a view? Magnificent. But, if you are the active type…:
- Fitness freak? They’ve got a fitness center, and a gym/fitness.
- The Spa: I indulged in a massage (heaven!) and felt like a brand new person. They have a spa, spa/sauna, sauna, and steamroom. I considered a Body scrub and Body wrap, but my schedule didn't cooperate.
Services and Conveniences – The Little Things That Matter
- Daily housekeeping kept things tidy.
- Laundry service and dry cleaning (because I spilled red wine on myself, naturally).
- Cash withdrawal was a lifesaver.
- Luggage storage meant I could explore without dragging my behemoth suitcase around.
- Front desk [24-hour] was super helpful.
For the Kids & Getting Around – What About the Little Humans?
- Family/child friendly? Absolutely
- Babysitting service? Yep!
- Car park [free of charge]? Plenty of parking.
- Taxi service was available
- Bicycle parking was accessible.
The Big Question: Is It Paradise?
Look, "Escape to Paradise" definitely has its charms and it has some things I didn't like. It's a gorgeous place, but the word "Paradise" is a stretch for me. But after a few days, I felt genuinely relaxed and ready to take on the world (or at least, my next flight).
The Verdict: Book it (But Manage Your Expectations)
If you're looking for a relaxing rural getaway in Tenerife, "Escape to Paradise" is worth checking out. Just remember to pack your patience (and maybe your reading glasses for the mirror).
My Recommendation: Book NOW for these Reasons!
I'm going to get straight to the point. You NEED to book "Escape to Paradise" because:
- The Serenity is Real: Seriously, the peace and quiet are worth the price of admission alone. The views are breathtaking, and the air is clean – it's a true escape from the hustle and bustle.
- Indulge All Day Long: From that incredible breakfast buffet to the spa treatments and the pool, their offers can make you feel like a true VIP.
- Get Yourself Back on Track: It's good to get back in touch with nature, and the hotel can act as a springboard for it!
Click Here to Book Now and get 20% off for stays of three nights or more! – Don't miss out on your chance to escape to paradise!
Escape to Okinawa Paradise: Creass Hotel Tsubogawa Marche Awaits!
Okay, buckle up, buttercups. This ain’t your polished, Instagram-filtered travel itinerary. This is a real trip to a rural house in the north of Tenerife, and trust me, it's going to be a glorious mess. Expect typos, tangents, and the occasional existential crisis brought on by a particularly good sunset.
Tenerife Tantrums & Tranquility: A Rural Retreat Itinerary (AKA, How to Lose Track of Time and Yourself in Paradise)
Day 1: Arrival & the Great Luggage Debacle (or, "Why Didn’t I Pack Lighter?")
- Morning (ish - let’s be real, it’ll be closer to noon): Land in Tenerife North Airport (TFN). UGH, the airport. Always a symphony of stressed-out families and people who forgot how to exist in public. My flight was delayed. Classic. Now, I'm already behind schedule and grumpy from recycled airplane air.
- Getting to the Casa Rural: Rent a car. Note to self: Next time, book a car SMALLER than a small SUV. This winding mountain road is testing my driving skills, and I suspect I’ll need a new clutch by the end of the week. The GPS is a liar (mostly just in Spanish, I think, leading me down gravel tracks and past bewildered goats).
- Anecdote Alert: Got a flat tire about 10 minutes from the house. Pulled over on the side of the road and started trying to change the tire. Absolutely clueless, I was. A local farmer, radiating the kind of wisdom that only comes from years wrestling with stubborn tractors, appeared as if summoned by my despair. He spent a good hour helping me, speaking fluent Spanish in a soothing, gravelly voice. I understood maybe 5% of it, but his kindness erased all my initial frustration. That, my friends, is what real travel is all about.
- Afternoon: Finally! Arrive at the Casa Rural. This place is…charming. Rustic. Slightly falling apart in the best possible way. It's got a pool (yay!), a garden that's probably been untouched by human hands in a while (more on that later), and the kind of silence that actually hurts your ears at first. Unpack (again, why all the stuff?). Discover that my meticulously curated suitcase is a disaster zone. Realize I’ve forgotten my favorite sunhat. Cue dramatic sighs.
- Evening: Wander around the garden, getting acquainted with the resident lizards (I’m pretty sure one of them winked at me). Struggle to light the barbecue (because, let’s be real, I'm a city slicker). BBQ is a success? Maybe. Burned some stuff, then devoured it anyway. Local wine is essential.
- Emotional Reaction: This place…this place. It smells of damp earth and eucalyptus. The stars are so bright I could weep. Maybe I will weep. It's a good weep though, happy and free.
Day 2: Volcano Vibes & Coastal Chaos (or, "My Knees Hurt, But it Was Worth It")
- Morning: Wake up with sore muscles (from all that unpacking, naturally). Coffee and a half-eaten banana in the garden. Attempt to meditate, fail miserably, and spend the next hour swatting away flies and contemplating all the things that are inherently wrong with meditation.
- Late Morning: Drive to Teide National Park. This volcano is HUGE! Actually, it took me forever to get there because the roads are so windy, but…wow. The lunar landscape is otherworldly. Hike a challenging trail with a panoramic view. My knees are screaming, but the view…the view. It’s breathtaking. Literally. The air is thin up there.
- Quirky Observation: The air is so clear, you feel like you can reach out and touch the clouds. And the rocks! They’re every shade of brown and red imaginable, and they look like they've been sculpted by giants. I probably should have worn more sunscreen.
- Afternoon: Lunch in a tiny mountain village. Tapas! More local wine. Notice the way the sunlight hits the whitewashed buildings. Get thoroughly lost in the narrow, cobbled streets.
- Evening: Drive back to the house (another epic journey). Collapse by the pool. Watch the sunset. It's even more stunning than last night. Begin to feel a profound sense of peace.
- Opinionated Language: Seriously, if you come to Tenerife and skip Teide, you’re missing out on the BEST part. It's non-negotiable.
Day 3: The Ocean’s Embrace & The Lost Day (or, "Where Did the Time Go?")
- Morning: Decide to be a "beach person" today! Drive to the coast. Head straight to Playa de Las Teresitas, which is the most beautiful beach I've ever seen, with golden sand from the Sahara. Spend hours swimming in the crystal-clear water, feeling the sun on my skin.
- Afternoon: Lunch at a beachfront restaurant. Eat fresh fish and feel utterly content.
- Late Afternoon/Evening: Somehow, time has vanished. I do not know where I was, what I did, when I had lunch! Time had escaped my grasp.
- Messier Structure & Occasional Rambles: I’m sure I did stuff, maybe I read, maybe I slept, maybe I meditated. It’s all a blur. The sun, the food, the beach. The wine did not help the brain. I’m not sure if I even remember this day, but does it matter? It’s all there in my memory, I think.
- Night: Back at the rural house, look at the stars, have a glass of wine, and slowly begin to organize my thoughts.
Day 4: Garden Glory & Cooking Calamities (or, "I Should Probably Just Avoid the Kitchen From Now On")
- Morning: Explore the garden. It’s a jungle. I'm talking overgrown rosemary bushes taller than me, fig trees laden with fruit I can't even reach, and a general air of untamed beauty. Spend a couple of hours trying to tame the weeds. Fail.
- Afternoon: Attempt to cook a traditional Canarian meal. This is a disaster. The kitchen is small, the instructions are vague, and I’m pretty sure I set off the smoke alarm…twice! It's ok though, because
- Doubling Down on a Single Experience: The attempt at cooking was the key. First a terrible start, burning the potatoes, then finding no flavor. Then I add some pepper, and something that the farmer had given me, and suddenly the bland flavor transformed to amazing. I think I understand now why so many people say that the effort makes the food taste better. It wasn't about the recipe, it was about the love. Or at least, the stubborn refusal to give up.
- Evening: Give up on cooking and order takeout from a local restaurant. The food is delicious. Eat it outside, watching the sunset. Consider that maybe the best thing I've ever learned is to "know your limits".
- Stronger Emotional Reactions: I'm starting to fall in love with this place, with its imperfections and its wild beauty. There's a freedom here that I haven't felt in a long, long time. I feel happier, and I'm starting to wonder what my life will become.
Day 5: La Laguna: History & Heartbreak (or, "Finding Myself & Leaving Again Soon")
- Morning: Visit La Laguna, a UNESCO World Heritage site. Walk through the historic streets, admiring the colorful colonial architecture. Visit museums, soak in the history, buy souvenirs.
- Real-sounding anecdotes and imperfections: I got lost, AGAIN, in the charming, but easily confusing, little streets. I almost got run over by a delivery truck, and I definitely bargained terribly for a hand-painted ceramic plate (but it's beautiful, so it's fine).
- Afternoon: Sit in a cafe, drink coffee, and people-watch. Write a journal. Start to feel a twinge of sadness, knowing that this adventure is starting to wind down.
- Evening: Back at the Casa Rural. Get a second sunset. Have a quiet evening.
- Stream-of-consciousness: I don't want to leave, but I know I have to. My life has been a mess, and now I'm in the middle of a whole new mess. Why I'm so lucky, I don't know. I just want to stay here forever.
Day 6: Final Day of Zen & the Last Supper (or, "Goodbye, Paradise (For Now)")
- Morning: Last swim and pool-side relaxing. Savor the silence.
- Afternoon: Packing. Reflect on the trip. Get overwhelmed by the amount of stuff.
- Evening: Last dinner. Another BBQ? (Probably). Try not to cry.
- Opinionated Language: I'm so sad to leave, but I also feel refreshed! My problems are still there, but I know I'm going back a better person, in a way. Tenerife
Escape to Paradise: Your Dream Rural Tenerife Retreat Awaits! FAQs - (Sort Of)
Alright, alright, so Escape to Paradise, eh? Sounds idyllic. And maybe it *is*... mostly. Look, I could write you some polished brochure-speak, but let's be real. I've been there, done that, bought the t-shirt (which, by the way, smells faintly of lavender and regret. Just kidding... mostly). So, here's the real deal, the questions you *really* want answered, and a few you haven't even *thought* to ask. Prepare yourselves...
Q: How do I book? Is it, like, complicated? I'm terrible at the internet.
A: Ugh, booking! It's the prequel to your vacation doom, isn't it? *But*! We have a website (duh), a booking portal (think fancy online calendar thingy), and you can even call. I'm a big fan of calling, personally. Especially if you get one of the friendly locals on the other end. The website is pretty slick though; I've managed to use it semi-successfully, and I'm no tech wizard.
Q: Is it always packed? I *hate* crowds.
A: Okay, look. Tenerife isn't Narnia. There are tourists. BUT, Escape to Paradise isn't smack-bang in the busiest tourist hotspots. You'll find more people herding goats (true story!) than swarming the beach. Peak season? Yes, expect a little competition for the best sun lounger (first-world problems, I know). Off-season? Bliss. Deserted beaches, empty cafes... pure magic. I went in November once, and honestly, I almost cried from happiness at the quiet. Almost.
Q: What's the accommodation *really* like? Is it all pristine white and Instagram-ready?
A: Okay, honesty time. It's not *always* pristine. There's charm, let's say. Rustic charm. Think exposed beams, maybe a slightly wonky tile or two. It's clean, comfortable, and the views? OMG. The views. Seriously, the volcano, Mount Teide? It's so freakin' majestic, I almost tripped over my own feet the first time I saw it. My jaw LITERALLY dropped. I may have even squeaked. Don't expect a sterile hotel room, embrace the character. And bring some good insect repellent. Those little buggers *will* find you.
Q: Can I see Mount Teide properly from the accommodation? I need this for my "perfect" picture.
A: Depends on the room. Some have *killer* views. Others... well, let's just say it's more "peek-a-boo" Teide. The sunrises, though. *The sunrises*. Seriously, they're worth getting up for. I swear, I saw a sunrise that painted the volcano pink, orange, and purple once. I may have almost lost my mind. I wanted to paint it, but I'm terrible at painting, so I just took a bunch of photos that don't do it justice. But still, amazing. Even if it's cloud covered sometimes... the anticipation is still good!
Q: Do I need a car? And, if so, is it a nightmare to drive?
A: Yes. Unless you want to be a hermit. Seriously, the location is the point of it all. The views! The seclusion! So, a car is pretty essential. Driving? Not *too* terrifying. The roads are winding, the locals are... spirited drivers, and parking can be a challenge in some towns. But the scenery? Worth it. Just breathe, take it slow, and don't be afraid to pull over and take a photo every five minutes. I do. (And I *still* get lost. ALL. THE. TIME.)
Q: Public transport? Worth it? Or doomed to wait forever?
A: Um... let's just say it's not the most efficient way to roam around. If you *really* want to experience the island on a budget, it's possible. But you'll spend a lot of time waiting and probably sweating. And missing out. Get a car. Trust me.
Q: What's the food scene like? Delicious or "touristy terrible"?
A: Okay, this is where Tenerife *shines*. Forget the tourist traps! Seek out the little *guachinches* (local restaurants)! They're often unmarked, hidden down tiny roads - the REAL Tenerife experience! Ask the locals, get lost a little, and embrace the tapas. Seriously, the tapas are legendary. Try the *papas arrugadas* (wrinkled potatoes) with mojo sauce... you won't regret it. I'm practically drooling just thinking about it.
Q: Can I get a good coffee in the mornings? And if I can, is it at least reasonably priced?
A: Coffee is *essential*, my friend. And yes! You can get phenomenal coffee pretty much everywhere. It's delicious everywhere, like a little taste of heaven. Prices are generally reasonable, definitely less than the Starbucks back home. In smaller villages, it's dirt cheap! I once had a coffee for less than a euro, it was incredible.
Q: What else is there to do besides bake on the beach? (Because, let's be honest, I am more of a shade person).
A: Oh, plenty! Hiking! The Teide National Park is a must, even if you only do a short hike (wear decent shoes, don't be *that* person). Whale watching tours! (Magical!). Explore the towns and villages. Water sports - if that's your thing. And the local markets are incredible. I spent a fortune on spices and handmade pottery last time. And don't forget the star gazing! Tenerife has some of the clearest skies in the world. Seriously amazing.
Q: Is it easy to "fit in" or will I be lost as a tourist?
A: Tenerife is very welcoming. Even if your Spanish is terrible (mine is), a smile and a bit of willingness goes a long way. The locals are generally super friendly. Just be polite, try a few Spanish phrases, and avoid the loud, obnoxious tourist stereotype. (We all know the type). You'll be fine!
Q: What's the wifi like? I need to check Instagram... (and, you know, work).
A: Wifi? Generally okay. Not always lightning-fast in the more remote areas. So, plan accordingly. If you *really* need to be connected 24/7, perhaps bring a mobile hotspot. I've missed it. But also, it was a beautiful thing, letting go. It really depended.
Q: Should I bring a phrasebook? I can barely say "hola."
A: Yes. A phrasebook is helpful. Even if it's just to order food, which you should, of course, do. But honestly, the world is full of languages, and half the fun is trying! And you can get away with a lot of gesturing and smiling, especially in the smaller villages. Don't overthink it!
Q: Any absolute must-dos? Like, secret tips?
A: Okay, here's my secret tip: Find a local *guachinche*, ask the owner for the 'vino tinto', the house wine. You won't get ripped off, it will likely be delicious. Do a hike in Anaga Rural Park, just take it easy with how steep it canHotel Hide Aways
