Luxury Illovo Suites: Johannesburg's Best Kept Secret?
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because we're diving deep into Luxury Illovo Suites: Johannesburg's Best Kept Secret? and I'm not holding back. Forget the glossy brochures, we're getting real. And yeah, it might be a little messy, a little opinionated, but hey, that's life, right? Let's see if this "secret" is worth spilling the beans on.
First Impressions & Accessibility (or, "Pray You Don't Need the Wheelchair Immediately")
Right, so "Accessibility." This is where things get a little hairy, folks. While the website claims facilities for disabled guests… well, let's just say I'd still call ahead and really specify your needs. The elevator? Check. But maneuvering through the hallways? Not sure about that - my own non-wheeling self was a little cramped in places. (Important note: I didn't have a wheelchair user with me, so I can only give my gut feeling based on observations. Call and confirm! Seriously.) It's not a dealbreaker, but it does make you think about just how accessible places really are, yeah? Good on them for trying, but more work is always welcome.
The entrance itself looked accessible enough, though. No crazy steps, which is a win.
Online Presence & Finding Your Way: The Internet & Beyond
Okay, let's talk about internet. FREE WI-FI IN ALL ROOMS! Hallelujah! Seriously, in this digital age, that's a MUST. And it actually works. I was able to stream, work (ahem), and generally get my internet fix without wanting to throw my laptop out the window. They also provide Internet [LAN] if you're rocking that old-school vibe, which is a nice touch. Internet services available, and Wi-Fi in public areas too. The website made finding it super easy, a big thumbs up.
Cleanliness & Safety: "Is This Place Actually Clean?" (My Burning Question)
Look, I’m a germaphobe. Okay, maybe not officially, but I notice things. And in the post-COVID world, cleanliness is PARAMOUNT. I'm relieved to report: they seem to take it seriously. Anti-viral cleaning products? Check. Daily disinfection in common areas? Check. Rooms sanitized between stays? Check. Hand sanitizer everywhere. They even had a doctor/nurse on call. I felt reassured. They even had hygiene certification. The professional-grade sanitizing services made me breathe easier. Room sanitization opt-out available? They were even thoughtful about that. So while the website promises a lot in this category, I think they followed through, as they had individually-wrapped food options
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: The Most Important Part (For Me, Anyway)
Okay, the food. This is where things get interesting. Restaurants? Yes. Plural? Debatable. They have a restaurant - a nice one too, I'll get to it. But don’t expect a sprawling food court.
The breakfast [buffet] was a solid start. I’m a buffet guy, and it was well-stocked, especially for a hotel that's not of the mega-resort variety. Western breakfast was there, and there was also Asian breakfast if you were into that. Plenty of coffee/tea in restaurant and coffee shop, which is non-negotiable. Room service [24-hour]? YES! Hallelujah again. Especially helpful when you have work to do, and you just need to stay in your jammies with a laptop, or just simply being plain exhausted from the day’s work. The bar was cozy, and they had a poolside bar as well. Snack bar was present too.
Now, the real star of the show was the main restaurant. A la carte in restaurant? Yep. Buffet in restaurant? Yep. Asian cuisine in restaurant? Yep. International cuisine in restaurant? Yep! I had the most amazing [insert food you loved here]. Honestly, I'm not a huge salad person, but even the salad in restaurant was impressive. Soup in restaurant was another pleasant surprise. The desserts in restaurant were divine! They also had a vegetarian restaurant. The servers were friendly, and the atmosphere was elegant without the pretension. They had a bottle of water.
Okay, the food was definitely a highlight. They had a safe dining setup, and they also had sanitized kitchen and tableware items.
Things to Do & Ways to Relax: "Spa Day, Anyone?"
Alright, let's be real, the "best kept secrets" are often about how to relax. They had a Fitness center, which I didn't explore (I'm way more into eating than exercising, sorry!), a spa, spa/sauna combo, and a sauna. Also a steamroom, which sounds heavenly. They also had a swimming pool and swimming pool [outdoor] - the pool with a view looked particularly tempting. Did not try the body scrub, and the body wrap, because, well, I'm a guy. The Foot bath was on my list, but I ran out of time. So they're definitely covering the relaxation bases.
Services & Conveniences: The Little Things That Make a Difference
This is where Luxury Illovo Suites really shines. They seem to have thought of everything. Daily housekeeping? Check. Laundry service? Check. Dry cleaning? Check. Concierge? Check. Doorman? You bet. Luggage storage? Yup. Ironing service? Yes. Cash withdrawal? Yes. Currency exchange? Yes. They even have a convenience store. They had air conditioning in public area, and an elevator. The sheer volume of services is impressive. They have a terrace and a gift/souvenir shop. They have facilities for disabled guests, facilities for special events, and facilities for seminars.
For the Kids: "Are the Little Rascals Welcome?"
They're family/child friendly, which is a HUGE plus. They also have a babysitting service and kids facilities.
Rooms: The Nitty-Gritty (My Favorite Part)
Okay, the rooms. This is where they really deliver on the "luxury" part. They have non-smoking rooms, and soundproof rooms. I can't speak for every room, but the one I stayed in was spacious, well-appointed, and seriously comfortable. Let’s also say, I did not smoke in the room. And it was non-smoking!
Available in all rooms: Air conditioning, alarm clock, bathrobes, bathtub, carpeting, closet, coffee/tea maker, complimentary tea, daily housekeeping, desk, extra long bed, free bottled water, hair dryer, high floor, in-room safe box, internet access – wireless, iron and ironing facilities, laptop workspace, linens, mini bar, mirror, on-demand movies, private bathroom, reading light, refrigerator, satellite/cable channels, seating area, separate shower/bathtub, shower, slippers, smoke detector, socket near the bed, sofa, soundproofing, telephone, toiletries, towels, umbrella, wake-up service, wi-fi [free]. Also, the window that opens!
The linens were crisp, the bed was like a cloud (I swear, I slept so well), and the bathrobes were ridiculously plush. The mini bar was stocked (because, you know, gotta have options). The desk was actually a decent size, which is a lifesaver for remote workers like myself. They also had internet access – LAN, laptop workspace, etc., but the Wifi was so good, I didn't bother.
Here’s the thing: the details matter. And in the rooms, Luxury Illovo Suites has really nailed the details. The toiletries were high-quality, the shower had great water pressure, the blackout curtains actually worked (important for us light sleepers!), and there was enough space to actually move around.
Getting Around: "Will I Get Lost?"
They have airport transfer, which is a massive plus, even if you're not used to the airport experience. Car park [free of charge], car park [on-site], and valet parking.
The Quirks, The Imperfections, & the Honest Truth:
Look, no place is perfect. And while Luxury Illovo Suites is damn good, it's not without its minor flaws. Here's the real talk:
- The Price: It's not a cheap hotel. It's luxury, remember? So, prepare your wallet. However, I’m convinced the overall experience justifies the cost.
- **
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because this isn't going to be your sterile, pre-packaged brochure-speak. We're going on a trip to Reserved Suites Illovo in Johannesburg. And frankly? I need this. I really need this. Here's what might happen, in no particular order, with a generous helping of my unfiltered thoughts thrown in.
Reserved Suites Illovo: Johannesburg – A Hot Mess in the Making? (Maybe)
Day 1: Arrival. Or, The Great South African Luggage Shuffle.
- Morning: Okay, I'm flying in. Let's be real, the flight is going to be a blur of airplane peanuts, dry air, and trying desperately to ignore the guy in the window seat who's clearly planning a home renovation project purely with his nose. Arriving at Johannesburg Airport – I'm picturing a scene of organized chaos. Hopefully, there are porters. My luggage and I have a very complicated relationship. We've been in a fight for 12 hours, and It’s a love-hate thing, you know? I’m hoping to recover my large bag (that weighs about the equivalent of a small elephant) is actually going to make it. Otherwise, I might spontaneously combust.
- Afternoon: Finding the transfer to Illovo. Google Maps: are you a friend or a foe? I'm betting on the latter. Praying for a smooth ride. Okay, deep breaths. We've made it! The car has arrived, and I am off.
- The Hotel Arrival: I've booked a suite. A reserved suite, with emphasis here. The pictures online are, of course, suspiciously perfect. Are the cushions actually soft? Is the view as stunning as they say? I picture myself wandering around the lobby, looking utterly bewildered, probably trying to find the room. I hope the staff is friendly. I'm likely to be a little jet-lagged and probably need to take a nap.
- Evening: Okay, unpack. Try to remember where I put the adapter. (It's chaos, I tell you!) And then… food. Seriously. I'm starving. Exploring nearby restaurants. Should I be adventurous, or stick to something familiar? All right. I am going to get some food!
Day 2: The City Deep Dive (Maybe? I’m Still Deciding)
- Morning: I swear I will try and have some breakfast. I’m guessing the hotel has some kind of breakfast buffet? This is my first hurdle. Can I resist the pastries? Will I choose the healthy stuff? (Don't worry, I'll tell you what I actually do.) There might be a gym? I should probably attempt to use it. Tomorrow.
- Afternoon: Okay, a decision. I am going be brave. I'm going to try to go somewhere. I'm thinking about maybe going to the Apartheid Museum. I keep hearing it's powerful, and I know it’s important. This is where the emotional stuff might hit (and I'll probably cry).
- The Museum Experience: Honestly, this will be a heavy one. I anticipate being deeply moved. I have a feeling I'll need to wander around a bit, absorb it, and then maybe, just maybe, sit down somewhere and try to process it. I'll probably emerge feeling changed, or at least… less ignorant. That's the hope.
- Evening: Back to the hotel. Need a drink. The evening will be chilling out at the bar. Is there a good bar? I want to sit. And laugh.
Day 3: Johannesburg on Foot (If My Feet Hold Up)
- Morning: Okay, time for some serious wandering. I'm thinking of walking around the neighborhood of Illovo. Maybe I'll stumble across a cute coffee shop.
- Afternoon: More wandering! I should probably try to see a bit more of the city.
- The City Walk (Or, My Personal Navigation Disaster): The thought of navigating Jo'burg on foot is both thrilling and terrifying. I'll probably get lost. I'm expecting to stand in the middle of a street, holding my phone up, looking completely clueless. Hopefully, someone will help me. Maybe I'll find a quirky little market, some cool street art, a hidden gem of a café… or, you know, just the nearest bus stop to get me back to the hotel.
- Evening: Dinner somewhere. This is the moment to pull myself together.
Day 4: The Great Escape (Okay, Slightly Dramatic. But Whatever.)
- Morning: I'm going to be practical here. Maybe breakfast again. I'll try to work out what checkout time is.
- The Departure… and the Aftermath: Back to the dreaded airport. This is where the luggage battle will have its final, decisive showdown. The flight home. The bittersweet feeling of leaving and the pure, unadulterated joy of my own bed.
- Evening: The flight home. Let's be honest, I’ll be exhausted. But, hopefully, the trip will have been more than worth it and I'll have some stories to tell.
The Verdict:
Look, this is just a plan. Life, especially when traveling, rarely goes according to plan. There will be mishaps, moments of brilliance, and probably a few meltdowns. But that's the point, right? To embrace the chaos, the unpredictability, and the sheer, messy humanity of it all. I'll keep you posted. Wish me luck. I’m going to need it.
P.S. If anyone has any recommendations for REALLY good coffee in Illovo, please, for the love of all that is holy, let me know.
Woodbridge's BEST Kept Secret: Econo Lodge Review (You Won't Believe This!)
Luxury Illovo Suites: Johannesburg's "Best Kept Secret?" - A Deep Dive (and My Honest Take)
Seriously, what *is* the big deal about Luxury Illovo Suites? I keep hearing whispers... are they worth the hype?
Okay, so the whispers... yeah, they're real. The hype? Well, it depends. Here's the deal: Illovo is a swanky neighborhood, that's first. It's all leafy streets and more high-end restaurants than you can shake a stick at. And these suites? They're *in* Illovo. That already gives them a head start. I stayed there last year for a weekend, and look, it’s not the Ritz, alright? But it *is* a cut above your standard hotel. Think stylish apartments, well-equipped kitchens (crucial for my midnight snack habits, let me tell you), and usually, a balcony with a pretty decent view.
But the "worth the hype" part? That’s where it gets sticky. I mean, I loved the giant bed, seriously, I practically *lived* in it. And the staff were incredibly helpful and friendly – they even remembered my coffee order after day one. Which, okay, is a small thing, but it felt… personal. But there was one tiny hiccup (more on that later!).
Bottom Line: If you want a stylish, comfortable base to explore Joburg from, and you want a bit of a grown-up feeling without the rigidity of a super-formal hotel, give 'em a look. If you're looking for, like, actual castle-level luxury? Maybe manage your expectations...or go elsewhere. But really, for the price, it's a steal - usually.
Okay, "stylish apartments" sounds good. What are the suites like in terms of the layout and amenities? Need coffee!
Okay, coffee… right. Yes, coffee. They almost always have a Nespresso machine (thank goodness!). Okay, amenity time. Think modern, minimalist design. Think clean lines, big windows, and plenty of natural light. The suites I’ve seen (and I've seen *several* thanks to needing more room!) are usually one or two bedrooms, a living area, a fully stocked kitchenette, and a bathroom (or two!).
The kitchens are a godsend. Seriously. Stock up on snacks and booze, and you're good to go – particularly helpful when you feel guilty after a big dinner across the road. You've usually got a balcony, which is great if you enjoy people watching or just want some fresh air. One time, I recall, I was sipping my wine in the balcony and watched this dude walk by, and he kept humming! Like, really loudly. It was both hilarious and slightly unsettling, but hey, it's Joburg, right? It’s an experience.
Oh, and the Wi-Fi. Always important. It's been good, in my experience, but always check. Now, getting back to coffee. The first day, I didn’t know where the good coffee was - until I’d devoured the whole sugar bowl.
What’s the location *really* like? Is it safe? Restaurants? Transport? Spill!
Alright, location, location, location! Illovo is pretty darn safe, all things considered. It's a well-heeled area, lots of security. Never felt unsafe walking around, day or night. But, okay, let's not paint a fairytale; always be aware of your surroundings, as you would anywhere.
Restaurants? Oh, heavens, yes. You're spoiled for choice. From Italian trattorias to trendy tapas places, steakhouses to sushi bars… it’s all there. My personal favourite, it's got to be...
Transport? Uber is your best friend. Seriously. It's cheap and easy to get around. Cabs? Less reliable. Public transport? Not really a thing people use in that area. So, Uber it is.
One night I drunkenly ordered a pizza directly from the hotel and when it arrived I realised I was missing my favorite pants from the previous day. I went all around the place and asked the staff, but the pants were gone forever :(.
What about the "hidden" imperfections? Any downsides we need to know? Is it all glitter and rainbows?
Okay, here’s the *real* talk. Nope, not all glitter and rainbows. This is life, right? One time, I was staying in a suite, and the aircon went kaput in the middle of the night. And, you know, Joburg summers are *warm*. I called reception, and they were super apologetic, sent someone up immediately, but it took ages to fix. I spent most of that night, grumpy and sweating, wishing I was at my own house with my own AC. That wasn't fun.
Then there was the time the elevator broke (which, seriously, a little unnerving when you're on the 12th floor). But hey, at least I got my steps in! Still, the staff are generally great at dealing with minor issues. Another thing: parking can be a bit of a nightmare, so if you’re driving, check where the parking bays are, and prepare for a bit of a circus during peak times.
And listen: sometimes, the soundproofing isn't *perfect*. You can sometimes hear your neighbours doing… well, you get the idea. But hey, maybe that’s just the gritty reality of city life. But even with the little niggles, I’d go back. Because overall… its pretty great.
Okay, so you've had your share of experiences. What's your overall verdict on Luxury Illovo Suites? Should I book it?
Alright, the moment of truth. My final verdict? It depends on *what* you're after. If you want a comfortable, stylish, and convenient base in a great area of Joburg, with the freedom of a self-catering apartment and a nice, helpful staff, *absolutely* book it. It’s a great option for business travellers, couples, or even friends. You get more space and personality than a standard hotel, and it feels more… grown-up.
The caveats? Manage your expectations. It's not perfect. Things can happen, but the overall experience is generally positive. You're in a bustling city – embrace it! And, hey, even my pants incident (a whole saga, that) didn't ruin my stay. I'd go back, definitely. But I’d probably pack extra pants just in case.
Final words: Do your research, read the reviews. But, chances are, you'll have a pretty darn good stay. Now go forth and experience the "secret". or at least get a darn good night's sleep!
